Sunday, 12 November 2017

I'm Cross - Muddy Parenting "Advice"

May I just say a few words, if you will bear with me, on "imbalance" in society/media which is evident in the behaviour of many children, and the lawlessness and disrespect from a great number of youth.

An example of something I see going on a lot is the rolling eyes and sighing that goes along with:
" ... and they told the children off for going UP the slide."

Check the attitude of the child who is going up the slide.
Is it a challenge and fun to go up the slide?  Are they extending themselves in a healthy way?  Providing much-needed sensory input?  Great!


does the child have an attitude of "I own this, nobody else is allowed, it is constantly MY turn - SEE, I go down, and then I go UP straight away. Ha! MY TURN!"
Not so great.

If you're at someone else's property (a school/cafe/friend's place) do they perhaps have a reason for the "No going up the slide" rule?
Check the attitude, stay respectful.

Don't get caught up on the eye-rolling bandwagon, immediately judging anyone who wants their children (or visiting children) to only go down the slide.

Another one that is bugging me is the term "helicopter parent".
I've seen this used so often, thrown around, and used in the same way one might say "abusive parent", making diligent and considerate parents feel overbearing and overprotective. Once again, the balance is being pushed over and trampled on.
Check your reasons for, and the attitude towards protecting/checking on/prohibiting things. SERIOUSLY check them, and then stand strong if anyone questions or challenges you.

Also something that came up in my first point - "eye rolling" and speaking disrespectfully about other people/making fun of other people.
Always (as much as you can) model to your children what you wish them to be like.   And one would hope that eye-rolling is not a goal.
One last thing, the term "mindless obedience" has become mixed up with "obedience". Teach your child to be thoughtful and wise - that they will consider WHY they are doing things in EVERY situation - whether it be obedience or any other area. 

I have got a bit grumpy about these things of late - very, very weary of reading constant unbalanced opinions stated as fact, and potentially confusing and bullying new parents.

Parents are responsible for the safety of their child. They are responsible for the balanced, respectful, careful, rich, loving, mindful raising of their child.

Children NEED parents to be responsible and solid,  to lead them to independence gradually, but not give them too much decision-making and responsibility too soon - or in moments of exhaustion, confusion, when they are overwhelmed or screaming out for direction!

So, as I have mentioned before - figure out what works for YOUR family, what you want your future to look like for yourself and your children. Treasure healthy relationships, forgive yourself for being a human if things come undone, and determine to do better in any way you can.

If that means reading less, distancing yourself from media, blogs, articles etc, then do so.   

Things are getting really muddy out there. 

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